前斯坦福迪恩朱莉·莱斯特 - 哈维特 - 哈维斯 - 如果我们真的希望我们的孩子在生活中做得很好，为什么和美国育儿需要改变的原因和美国的育儿。
If you’re only going to read one parenting book in your life, make it this one: “如何提出成人：摆脱过度的陷阱，并为您的孩子做好准备” (Henry Holt & Company, 2015). Written by former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims, this book comes as a breath of fresh air to a genre that tends to make parenting seem like the most complicated and difficult job in the world. Parenting是艰难，不要让我错了，但莱斯特 - 议员宣布表明育儿不需要像这些日子那样对许多美国家庭来说都是耗费和疲惫。
“如何提高成年人”的基本前提是孩子们过度透明这些天达到损害他们的观点。在斯坦福州斯坦福的本科顾问经过十年后，莱斯科特 - 希望相信千禧一代有问题 - 这不是他们的错;相反，这是他们的父母，谁拥有所有最好的意图，已经完全过于参与他们的孩子的生命。进入斯坦福的学生似乎“不知何故没有完全形成为人类。他们似乎是扫描妈妈和爸爸的边线。建成的。存在不具情。“她继续描述它们，悲伤地说是“小牛肉”，因为在一个严格控制的环境中筹集，然后导致在现实世界中屠宰。
Lythcott-Haims builds a strong argument right from the beginning, backed by years of personal experience, many first-hand interviews with counselors, parents, young adults, psychologists, and professors, and a lengthy bibliography that shows she’s really done her research. The stories she tells of Millennial-aged young adults, helpless in the face of real life, are sad and disturbing. These young people, who should be embarking on an exciting new stage in life, are unnaturally dependent, unmotivated, scared, and unable even to perform such basic tasks as getting themselves from point A to point B, speaking with professors, and furnishing an apartment without parental assistance.
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很大一部分的育儿问题,她解释道,是the American obsession with getting one’s kids into a top-tier college. There is a skewed belief that everything a child does will eventually go onto a college application, which makes parents highly anxious about making that list as impressive as possible. This comes at a steep cost. Families’ lives are scheduled to the point of insanity; children are losing out on a ‘normal’ childhood that includes downtime and free play; parents, particularly mothers, are sacrificing their own interests for the sake of their children’s extra-curricular activities and are self-medicating to handle their own depression; and vast sums of money are being spent on special tutors, college ‘handlers’, sports and other activities, all in hopes of forming the perfect, ideal college applicant in the eyes of a few Ivy League schools that will only accept 5 to 10 percent of applicants.
“[The students seemed] somehow not quite formed fully as humans. They seemed to be scanning the sidelines for Mom and Dad. Under-constructed. Existentially impotent.”
让事情变得更糟，过度透明于孩子的发展。他们没有学习基本的生活技能，甚至考虑到themselvesto be adults. It’s affecting their mental health, diminishing their ability to cope with failure and criticism. It’s making them depressed and addicted to harmful substances as a means to regain control of their lives, even to help them study.
Lythcott-Haims将最终的150页致力于“进出另一种方式的案例”，为如何执行如何履行负责，成熟的年轻成年人的育儿实践提供有形的建议。Her ideal is an ‘authoritative’ parenting style, one that “balances warmth with strictness, direction with freedom," and seeks to put opportunities for independence into our children's lives. She insists on the importance of unstructured play time, teaching life skills through chores, teaching children how to think using conversation models and proper questioning, preparing them for hard work by setting high expectations for their help at home, and normalizing the idea of struggle, which is something so many parents try to erase on behalf of their children.
这本书与我深入共鸣，因为莱斯特 - 希望回应了我对育儿的许多思想。It was also deeply satisfying to know that someone else out there thinks the same way I do, and that I’m not the only parent refusing to sign my kids up for soccer and hockey because I don’t want those commitments to fill our family life with yet more chaos.
The book has challenged me to examine the many things I do around the house that could (and should) be done by my kids, instead. As a result, they’ve received revised chore lists for this school year that are much longer than anything they had before. So far, they’ve proven to be perfectly capable.